it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
