WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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