I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
