evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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