I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
