Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
