Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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