I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
