I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
