I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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