I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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