omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
