Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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