Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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