saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
