Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
