i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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