I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
