literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
