Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
