absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
