What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
