Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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