So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
