I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
