I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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