shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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