I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize