she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
