Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize