Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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