found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
