For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
