you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
