It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
