I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hippo gnu deer
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
