Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Houston, we have a squirter
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
