a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
