He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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