Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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