But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
BRING THE BAGELS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
