i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
