Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
