Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
