i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The uberlube is also flammable
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
