i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
