I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
there's paper in my vomit.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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