You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
