i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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