dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
