Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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