I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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