pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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