it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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