He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize