I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
