If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
