You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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