literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
