um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
