Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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