I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
