Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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