why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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