She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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