i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize