worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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