i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
