you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My cat gives me a boner
i wish my penis had a tongue
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize