I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
