I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
