Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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