That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I didn't shave. On purpose
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
