dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
