So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's blow job season.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
