please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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