Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize