I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
