hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
