moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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