if i can run in heels then i can drive
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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