I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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