please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
