I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do herpes really smell.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
